Update on Vision

Wow, I have been slacking. I didn't realize that it has been over a year that I have posted on my blog.

A lot has happened since my last post. The biggest thing is that I started as a full time student at Boise State University (BSU) to, hopefully, graduate with a Bachelors in Psychology.

I was really nervous about going to BSU with it being such a big campus and a lot of people. My anxiety has worsen since more of my vision is gone. I can no longer read the whiteboard clearly, very blurry. PowerPoint hurt my eyes especially when it's brightly colored. I have always been a visual learner and it has been difficult to fall away from that and learn to not use my eyes so much. I strain to see that by the end of the day I am exhausted and my head/eyes hurt. The heavy load of reading and straining to see has made my migraines more frequent again. It has been discouraging with missing class and it makes me feel that I won't be able to work in a successful career. I ended up walking away from my Fall Semester with a 3.6 GPA, would have been higher if I hadn't missed classes due to migraines, but not too shabby. 

My vision has changed a lot since I started school. It wasn't until then that I noticed I couldn't see clearly anymore. Everything is blurry. It turns out that I have cataracts in both eyes in my central vision that could be causing the blurriness. The only reason why it could be, is because my eye condition, RP, could be causing it as well. I failed the glare test, which determines if I am eligible for cataract surgery. I am going to have the surgery this summer and just might get lucky. My glasses can no longer be strengthened to help my central. I have hit the wall and now my vision will just continue to decrease. It is nerve racking.

My emotions have been a roller coaster about it all. Some days I am in denial and I don't want to face it. Other days, I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't be able to have a good career or will be stuck home suffering from migraines that I can't live life how I want to. Then some days, I want to scream or just say screw it. So many things go through your mind and you feel alone. Yes, I know that I am surrounded by friends and family but it doesn't feel the void inside me. I know that I am lucky compared to some people, like I know one beautiful young lady who has it worse and I wish I could help her. Life isn't fair.

I had a vision field test on Monday to see how much of my peripheral is gone. I will post pictures to show you how much as changed since my last test once I get the results. It helps give a better understanding how I see.

When I was home for Christmas visiting family, I was soaking up my time with my nephew but I was also being a hermit. People forget that I can't see and I get tired of explaining or reminding, not their fault. I am not around much, but meeting new people is not easy like it is for you. My walls go up, my anxiety goes up and I don't know my environment I am uncomfortable. When in that position I am constantly scanning with my eyes and straining to hear. It is hard to explain, but I can honestly say that I am a different person now. I was asked what I see now from a friend, if you want to know get a paper towel roll and cut in half, then put it up to your eyes then place a dirty glass or film at the end. This will give you an idea of the blurriness and the floaters that I often have in my vision. When I look at your face, I tend to focus on the mouth to read lips, I can't see your whole face just your mouth and part of the face. At night, I see nothing. I can't even see my own hand waving in front of my face.

I hope to check off a bucket list item this summer. I didn't this past summer. Right now school is keeping me very busy.